So I’m reaching into the distant archives of my memory for this one, but I’ve always thought this story was well worth sharing.

A few months after Obama had been inaugurated to his first term,  I was playing a gig at, of all places, a suburban Mexican restaurant. During my first break, I was summoned to a table full of middle-aged ladies, all of whom had been clapping and making requests throughout the first set.

One of the ladies asked for my business card, which I happened to be out of at the time. She was interested in hiring me for a private event she was having in a few weeks. I said, “I apologize for that, but I could write down my email address on a piece of paper for you, if you’d like.”

After being handed a small square of torn paper and a pen, I proceed to write down my contact information. Almost immediately, one of the other ladies makes the comment, “oh, you’re left-handed, huh? Are you a genius, too, because you know they say geniuses are usually left-handed?” To which I respond, “well, the President is left-handed, so chalk one up for extremely successful people being that at least.”

Suddenly, the mood shifted sourly. As the ladies backed away from the table in disgust, I hear one of them mutter under her breath, “oh, he’s one of those!”

“One of those?” What does that even mean? You assume that because I have a pair of eyeballs, and know how to use them to see things that are happening right in front of me, such as a television broadcast of the President of the United States signing his inauguration paperwork with his left hand, that I am what, exactly? A democrat? An Obama supporter? Someone who doesn’t hate black people just because they are black? What?

Speechless, I returned the slip of paper and the pen, thanked the ladies for their participation, and almost sarcastically said, “I look forward to hearing from you with regards to your upcoming event.” Needless to say, I never did.

The ladies immediately paid their tab, and were long gone by the time I went back up for my second set.

So now you all know how sometimes common observation can cost you a job. Remember this the next time you interview for a position somewhere. Be sure to answer only in yeses, nos, hmm’s, huh’s, and uh’s. Do not make direct eye contact with the interviewer as it may result in the unwanted observation of various types of information regarding that person’s physical appearance.  Be careful not to notice photographs of their families and/or pets. And whatever you do, absolutely under no circumstances should you EVER take note of what hand they use to sign your parking validation. In fact, just try pretending to be completely blind. Wear sunglasses and keep your eyes closed through the entire interview process. This ensures either the possibility of a sympathy hire, or at very least, the option for a class-action lawsuit for disability discrimination if they don’t give you what you want. This method seemed to work pretty well for this lady:

Now let us examine some examples of common observation, specifically referring to people’s handedness, and see what we can assess from those using the same logic as the aforementioned group of ladies:

What does it all mean? No seriously, please, someone tell me what it means?

Perhaps this could explain it: