Breakfast? Family? Neither. It’s WATER! Contrary to what the Bluth’s would have us believe, when you’re playing on an uncovered patio at 6:30PM E.D.T., facing due west, and there isn’t a cloud in the sky, water is, without a doubt, the most important thing.

Now, if you’ve been anywhere around the Atlanta area these past few weeks, you’re probably thinking that water is most certainly NOT the most important thing, but probably the single most abundant and inconvenient resource available to us here, as it has literally been pouring from the sky nearly nonstop since late June.

However, a normal July in Atlanta does not consist of so much constant rainfall, but rather serves as a catalyst between the end of the pleasantly springy days of May and June, and August’s “kill-me-now-before-I-start-sweating-out-my-own-organs” mugginess that has made the phrase “HOTlanta” widely accepted.

So just before “HOTlanta” turned into the Amazon rainforest this July, we had a bout of unseasonably warm weather in mid-June. It is during these periods that the importance of hydration in the midst of patio season comes to the forefront.

Everyone knows that drinking alcohol dehydrates you, but let’s face it, we’re not getting through three solid hours of cheese-ball covers at a suburban Mexican restaurant without consuming at least a little giggle juice. So the key is portion control. And Nathan and I figured out that the best way to control your alcohol intake during unseasonably warm patio gigs (especially those at which there is absolutely no covering of any kind, as was the case on this occasion) is what we’d like to call the O.D.T.S. trick. That’s one drink…two straws.

Of course, the most efficient use of the O.D.T.S. trick is to also order your one drink in the smallest glassware available.

WARNING: Use of the O.D.T.S. trick in public areas may cause moderate to severe deterioration of your ability to attract a suitable sexual partner.

Now, as I said before, drinking alcohol dehydrates you, so in addition to the water you’re going to lose in the form of sweat, you’re going to need to replenish even more if you’re drinking alcohol, even if you’re using the O.D.T.S. trick. My recommendation is to keep a 10:1 ratio in glassware proportions. In other words, your water glass should hold at least 10 times more water than the glass of alcohol you’re sharing with your bandmate(s).

So as long as you can remember the O.D.T.S trick, and your 10:1 ratio, one mammoth glass of water for every half thimble of alcohol you consume, you will not die at a gig on a patio in direct sunlight in Atlanta in the middle of summer.